Monday, February 22, 2010 - FINALLY!
I got my blood work results back from Friday and my hcg level is finally low enough that they can do the two tests on me to see if I am producing antibodies that attacked the babies or if my blood clotted and prevented blood and nutrients from going to the babies. So Thursday I will give 8 vials of blood for those two tests and we should have the results back next week. If one of those tests is positive, it is treatable with shots. So either way, we plan on doing another IVF cycle as soon as possible, which according to Dr. Honea should be around the end of March. You are required to wait so long to allow your body to get back to normal.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
This was my Valentine's Day surprise from Jason-2 dozen roses and a cupcake that is just my size!!! Man was it good!
Thursday, February 11, 2010-Post Op visit with Dr. Honea
HAPPY BIRHTDAY MOM!!!
Today is our first chance to talk to Dr. Honea since the D&C. I am very nervous and anxious and of course have a list of questions. I guess I just want my HCG level to hurry up and drop low enough so that they can do the testing on me that they need to do so we can move forward and get started again. I hope to leave the doctor’s office today with a plan!
Well as usual we leave the doctor’s office dishearted. I’m funny – I take in all the information and we talk about it and I analyze it and then it’s like several hours later it hits me and the emotional side kicks in and I get upset. We did leave with a plan though. They are going to test me in 2 weeks to see if my blood is clotting and preventing blood and nutrients from getting to the baby and to see if my body is producing antibodies that attacked the babies. She expects those tests to come back normal. However if they are abnormal, then it is treated by meds or shots. It is a best guesstimate that we could be able to start the bcp to get ready for another IVF cycle around the end of April. Of course there are a lot of “ifs” in that guesstimate. But at least we have something now to look forward to. They will do another SIS test on me before then to make sure there is no scar tissue in my uterus as a result of the D&C prior to starting another IVF cycle. She basically said that my egg count and quality is not good even on the meds and that we were lucky to get pregnant this last time. But IVF definitely overcame the male infertility factor. We are just still struggling with my side of it. She said that if we did the stim shots and an IUI again that our chance of success was <10% and if we did the stim shots and IVF again that our chance of success was about 40%. She said that now that she has data to look at as to how the last IVF cycle went our chances of success are actually less that what she originally thought before we did an IVF cycle. But our plan is to do IVF again. I am hoping that on the next cycle I will respond to the shots better and will produce several good eggs and embryos. She did say we would not qualify for the shared risk program again b/c I am too high risk of not getting pregnant. My hcg level today is 9.5, so we still have a little ways to go. Lord I’m trying to be patient - I know you have a plan and I put my faith and hope in you. I have to keep reminding myself that God’s got a bigger plan goin’ on than what my ole eyes can see.
Today is our first chance to talk to Dr. Honea since the D&C. I am very nervous and anxious and of course have a list of questions. I guess I just want my HCG level to hurry up and drop low enough so that they can do the testing on me that they need to do so we can move forward and get started again. I hope to leave the doctor’s office today with a plan!
Well as usual we leave the doctor’s office dishearted. I’m funny – I take in all the information and we talk about it and I analyze it and then it’s like several hours later it hits me and the emotional side kicks in and I get upset. We did leave with a plan though. They are going to test me in 2 weeks to see if my blood is clotting and preventing blood and nutrients from getting to the baby and to see if my body is producing antibodies that attacked the babies. She expects those tests to come back normal. However if they are abnormal, then it is treated by meds or shots. It is a best guesstimate that we could be able to start the bcp to get ready for another IVF cycle around the end of April. Of course there are a lot of “ifs” in that guesstimate. But at least we have something now to look forward to. They will do another SIS test on me before then to make sure there is no scar tissue in my uterus as a result of the D&C prior to starting another IVF cycle. She basically said that my egg count and quality is not good even on the meds and that we were lucky to get pregnant this last time. But IVF definitely overcame the male infertility factor. We are just still struggling with my side of it. She said that if we did the stim shots and an IUI again that our chance of success was <10% and if we did the stim shots and IVF again that our chance of success was about 40%. She said that now that she has data to look at as to how the last IVF cycle went our chances of success are actually less that what she originally thought before we did an IVF cycle. But our plan is to do IVF again. I am hoping that on the next cycle I will respond to the shots better and will produce several good eggs and embryos. She did say we would not qualify for the shared risk program again b/c I am too high risk of not getting pregnant. My hcg level today is 9.5, so we still have a little ways to go. Lord I’m trying to be patient - I know you have a plan and I put my faith and hope in you. I have to keep reminding myself that God’s got a bigger plan goin’ on than what my ole eyes can see.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Today was a very happy day for some of our friends – Miss Haley Joe was born today and we went to see her after work. She weighed 7lbs 6oz and was 20” long. This picture was taken only a few hours after she was born and she is just beautiful! Proud parents Jonah and Kim and Big Sister Hannah are doing great!
Today I decided that from now on I want to give the doctor’s office Jason’s cell phone number to call with updates instead of mine so he can break it to me if needed. I got an unexpected call from the doctor’s office while I was at work today. She was calling with the chromosome test results of the babies. She said that both of them were normal with no chromosome abnormalities. Well that wasn’t the news we were hoping for because she said now we have to test me to see if my body is doing something that caused the loss. Then she asked if I wanted to know what they were and immediately I said yeah b/c of course you want to know. But when she said “it was 2 little boys” I got off the phone as quickly as I could and I lost it. I wanted to know and I’m glad I found out but knowing that they were boys made it that much more personal. Everything that I was suppose to get to share with them immediately started running through my head, from practicing playing ball with them to teaching them how to hunt and fish. It was in that moment that I realized even more what I had missed out on. And what made it worse was knowing that they were ok so there was a good chance that it was me – my body that caused me to lose them. I felt very guilty. Jason reassured me that God was in control and that it wasn’t anything that I did.
Saturday, January 23, 2010 - Watch out she's armed and back in the woods!
I was able to go hunting today for the first time since the season started last November. I have either been sick or recovering from surgery the entire hunting season. So I’m excited to get to go! We actually went duck hunting instead of deer hunting b/c it was really windy. And I had so much fun! We just love being outdoors together! I’m looking forward to us going hunting next week too after work since the season is over January 31.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 - God speaks through a song
It’s very weird to want food again. I still feel sick but not as sick as before and I actually want to eat food. I never thought I would miss feeling so sick but I do. Also since the surgery my stomach is extremely swollen which seems like just a dirty trick.
God spoke to me today through a song. I was fixing to get out of the truck at the store after work and the first few words of a song got my attention. By just those words it was obvious that it was about a lady who had lost a baby. The verses talked about how each month she remembered how far along she would have been at that point and how when her due date came she remembered that was suppose to be the day. The chorus kept repeating "I know you don't understand and I know you question why, but it was best for me to be in God's hands." I immediately felt God speaking to me and began to weap peaceful tears. I wanted to know the name of the song and find the lyrics. So I called the radio station and described it to them. They searched and said they had never heard of it. So we searched yahoo, google, you tube, and itunes in every way possible for it - still no luck. So if any of you know this song please let me know. But I believe without a doubt that God spoke to me in a song just for me and I have peace knowing that "It was best for you two to be in God's hands" and we will hold both of you in heaven.
God spoke to me today through a song. I was fixing to get out of the truck at the store after work and the first few words of a song got my attention. By just those words it was obvious that it was about a lady who had lost a baby. The verses talked about how each month she remembered how far along she would have been at that point and how when her due date came she remembered that was suppose to be the day. The chorus kept repeating "I know you don't understand and I know you question why, but it was best for me to be in God's hands." I immediately felt God speaking to me and began to weap peaceful tears. I wanted to know the name of the song and find the lyrics. So I called the radio station and described it to them. They searched and said they had never heard of it. So we searched yahoo, google, you tube, and itunes in every way possible for it - still no luck. So if any of you know this song please let me know. But I believe without a doubt that God spoke to me in a song just for me and I have peace knowing that "It was best for you two to be in God's hands" and we will hold both of you in heaven.
Friday, January 22, 2010
They have to check my HCG level (pregnancy hormone) in my blood each week to make sure it drops to less than 5. Once it drops to less than 5, then they can perform any tests they need to on me. Today my level was 1100 which is why I am still feeling some of the pregnancy symptoms.
Friday, January 15, 2010 - 2nd Worst Day of Our Lives
I really don’t have words to describe this day. I was overwhelmed with emotion. All I know is I am more grateful every day for my loving husband and for how much he cares for me. I couldn’t do it without him. We had to be in B'ham this morning again bright and early for the D&C. They asked me if I wanted some medicine to relax me in the room prior to surgery and I said yes. They said it wouldn’t knock me out b/c I had to move from table to table once I got back in the OR. They forget how sensitive to meds I am b/c I don’t even remember going into the OR. After that I remember Jason taking care of me in the room after the surgery and being wheeled down the hall to get in the truck. I really don’t remember anything other than l remember mom, dad, and Casey came over to check on me that night and when I got home I remember seeing and smelling beautiful bouquets of flowers on the bar from many people I am blessed to call friends. I do remember being pretty sore. Jason said that he talked to Dr. Honea after the surgery and she said that everything went fine and that we should get the test results back in a few weeks. He even secretly recorded their conversation on his iphone b/c he knew I would be full of questions about what was said the next day. :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010 - Worst Day of Our Lives
A day we will NEVER forget. It’s taken a long time before I was able to write this.
Honestly I felt good about everything and was confident that everything was going to be fine on this morning, so I wasn’t worried about the doctor’s apt and wasn’t expecting anything other than good news. Jason had some work appointments that day and I assured him that everything was fine and that me and mom would go to the doctor together. We had to be in B’ham really early as usual but I enjoyed the ride there with mom. Of course as soon as I get there they take your blood (if I have given blood once in the last year I have given blood 100 times). They immediately took me back to the u/s room. I asked mom to come with me b/c I wanted her to see the babies. The “expert” u/s tech turned the screen so we could see and said (with no compassion at all) “I’m sorry there’s no easy way to say this, but there isn’t a heartbeat on either baby.” I was in total shock, I didn’t say a word. She then spent another 10 min looking at other things and said that when I came out to go across the hall and talk to Dr. Honea. Mom hugged my neck and I got ready to talk to the doctor. When we walked in she spent the first 5 min going on and on about how great everything looked and I realized that she had no clue what the u/s tech just saw. I stopped her and said that the u/s tech didn’t see a h/b. She was so embarrassed b/c they are suppose to tell her those things beforehand. She was very compassionate and set me up for a D&C to remove them for the next morning. The purpose is to send them off for chromosome testing to see if that was the cause of the loss. She said best case scenario would be that there was a chromosome defect with them b/c then we would know the cause and it is so rare that the chance of it happening again is very slim. They let me out the side door and sent us to the pre-admission testing section of the hospital to fill out lots of forms for the next morning. Even still I have shown no emotion. I think it is partly b/c I am still in shock and also b/c I don’t want to get upset in front of mom b/c then she will get upset and I will just get worse. I just wanted to get home to Jason more than anything in the world. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t take anything for mom being there with me, I just didn’t want her to get upset. I needed her at that moment to keep me ok and that's what she did. I didnt want to talk about it and she knew that and kept my mind occupied on other things. It’s been hours since my doctor’s apt and we are still at the hospital so I am getting several texts from Jason wondering how it went. So I went out in the hall to call him and tried very hard not to lose it on the phone. He didn’t say much just asked what they said and what they were going to do and how was I doing. I could tell he was taken back. I didn’t get to talk long b/c I had to go back in to the office but I wanted him to know. Me and mom finally finished setting everything up at the hospital for the next morning and left for home. I still didn’t to get upset and I just wanted to talk about other stuff. So we talked about Casey’s wedding and all the ideas they are coming up with for their wedding. Jason would send messages all along the way asking how I was doing and where we were. When I got home Jason was waiting in the driveway for me and we walked upstairs and then and there was where I wanted to be. I was in his arms and I lost it. All we knew to do was hold each other. And he had done the sweetest thing – when he found out what had happened, he knew that the last thing I wanted to see was anything that anything to do with Christmas. That’s b/c all Christmas holidays we associated everything with the babies, how it would be our last Christmas without children, how we got the best Christmas gift ever in the babies, even had special ornaments for the babies, etc. And he was right I wouldn’t have wanted to see any of that. So Jason, Adam, and his parents worked feverishly to take down our 13’ live tree and all of the Christmas decorations in our home before I got home. And if you saw how many decorations we had you would truly appreciate that effort! That was just the sweetest thing ever. Love you Jason! He also put away anything in the whole house that had anything to do with a baby whether it be a baby shower invitation, my meds, u/s pics, etc. Sadly I still feel sick, but I know I have to rest b/c we have to be back in B’ham very early in the morning for the D&C. I will definitely take some Tylenol pm tonight so I will sleep.
Honestly I felt good about everything and was confident that everything was going to be fine on this morning, so I wasn’t worried about the doctor’s apt and wasn’t expecting anything other than good news. Jason had some work appointments that day and I assured him that everything was fine and that me and mom would go to the doctor together. We had to be in B’ham really early as usual but I enjoyed the ride there with mom. Of course as soon as I get there they take your blood (if I have given blood once in the last year I have given blood 100 times). They immediately took me back to the u/s room. I asked mom to come with me b/c I wanted her to see the babies. The “expert” u/s tech turned the screen so we could see and said (with no compassion at all) “I’m sorry there’s no easy way to say this, but there isn’t a heartbeat on either baby.” I was in total shock, I didn’t say a word. She then spent another 10 min looking at other things and said that when I came out to go across the hall and talk to Dr. Honea. Mom hugged my neck and I got ready to talk to the doctor. When we walked in she spent the first 5 min going on and on about how great everything looked and I realized that she had no clue what the u/s tech just saw. I stopped her and said that the u/s tech didn’t see a h/b. She was so embarrassed b/c they are suppose to tell her those things beforehand. She was very compassionate and set me up for a D&C to remove them for the next morning. The purpose is to send them off for chromosome testing to see if that was the cause of the loss. She said best case scenario would be that there was a chromosome defect with them b/c then we would know the cause and it is so rare that the chance of it happening again is very slim. They let me out the side door and sent us to the pre-admission testing section of the hospital to fill out lots of forms for the next morning. Even still I have shown no emotion. I think it is partly b/c I am still in shock and also b/c I don’t want to get upset in front of mom b/c then she will get upset and I will just get worse. I just wanted to get home to Jason more than anything in the world. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t take anything for mom being there with me, I just didn’t want her to get upset. I needed her at that moment to keep me ok and that's what she did. I didnt want to talk about it and she knew that and kept my mind occupied on other things. It’s been hours since my doctor’s apt and we are still at the hospital so I am getting several texts from Jason wondering how it went. So I went out in the hall to call him and tried very hard not to lose it on the phone. He didn’t say much just asked what they said and what they were going to do and how was I doing. I could tell he was taken back. I didn’t get to talk long b/c I had to go back in to the office but I wanted him to know. Me and mom finally finished setting everything up at the hospital for the next morning and left for home. I still didn’t to get upset and I just wanted to talk about other stuff. So we talked about Casey’s wedding and all the ideas they are coming up with for their wedding. Jason would send messages all along the way asking how I was doing and where we were. When I got home Jason was waiting in the driveway for me and we walked upstairs and then and there was where I wanted to be. I was in his arms and I lost it. All we knew to do was hold each other. And he had done the sweetest thing – when he found out what had happened, he knew that the last thing I wanted to see was anything that anything to do with Christmas. That’s b/c all Christmas holidays we associated everything with the babies, how it would be our last Christmas without children, how we got the best Christmas gift ever in the babies, even had special ornaments for the babies, etc. And he was right I wouldn’t have wanted to see any of that. So Jason, Adam, and his parents worked feverishly to take down our 13’ live tree and all of the Christmas decorations in our home before I got home. And if you saw how many decorations we had you would truly appreciate that effort! That was just the sweetest thing ever. Love you Jason! He also put away anything in the whole house that had anything to do with a baby whether it be a baby shower invitation, my meds, u/s pics, etc. Sadly I still feel sick, but I know I have to rest b/c we have to be back in B’ham very early in the morning for the D&C. I will definitely take some Tylenol pm tonight so I will sleep.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Today I am officially 8 weeks. I am still continuing to be very nauseated every waking moment and I am still not sleeping. But my granny smith apples still taste good ha ha! I feel for the little lady that stopped to check on me while I was sick in the ditch on the side of the road on my way to work this morning in the freezing cold. Ha ha I keep telling myself that being so sick is a good thing. This is a totally new thing for me. I have NEVER been the type of person to sit still or to come home and sit on the couch much less lay on the couch. But ever since we started this whole process all I physically feel like doing is coming home and laying on the couch until it is time to go to bed-day in and day out. I hate it b/c I want to be up doing stuff but I just feel so sick. In the beginning it was due to the meds and lately it’s due to being sick.
Monday, January 11, 2010 - Could We Please Just Have One Exciting Ultrasound Visit????
Today is our follow-up ultrasound to check on the h/b of the smaller one. There was one strong h/b on the larger one and it is measuring 6 weeks 4 days. There is still no h/b on the smaller one but it did grow! It is now measuring 6 weeks 1 day. But I can tell the nurse is concerned about something. She said that the yolk sack was larger than they normally like to see it. But she said that nothing my body had done since day one has been “normal” so she really didn’t know what to think. We asked in unison what it meant when the yolk sack is larger than it should be. And she responded with “I hate to tell patients this b/c it could be nothing, but it usually means that there is a heart defect, chromosome defect, or something wrong with the baby/babies.” Again laying on the same table as last week my heart sunk. Why can’t I just go have an ultrasound and hear good news and leave excited. I didn’t know what to say, I just sat there emotionless. She suggested that we go see their expert u/s tech in B’ham for a second opinion. So we scheduled that for Thursday. Boy this was going to be the longest 3 days of my life waiting. We left the doctor’s office again dishearted. I had been so sick that me and Jason went to Babies R Us to get me some more Preggie Drops (candy that helps with nausea). I can’t take the prescription meds at work b/c they knock me out. So the candy helps to ease it a little. I am very grateful for Jason for so many reasons but it’s at times like this when he is just so caring and supportive that emphasizes that even more. He kept trying to get me to look at all of the baby furniture and strollers “and all” (that’s for you Jason) to get me to thinking about something happy involving the babies.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Our 7 week ultrasound. I have been VERY nauseated and the thought smell or sight of food makes me sick. Funny thing is there is one thing that when I think of it I think oh man that would taste good and that’s sour Granny Smith green apples ha ha! But man they are great! The morning of the ultrasound, Jason had left the house before me to get some work done in town before we left to go to the doctor. I walked into the bathroom and turned and faced the toilet when I felt like my head and body was spinning and I couldn’t control it then everything went black and I passed out. I fell forward and hit my head on the door facing to the toilet area. I am very lucky b/c if I would have been standing 3 inches to the right I would have probably busted my face on the toilet and lost some teeth. It scared me to death b/c I didn’t know what had happened and I was so startled. But for some reason I went and laid down in the bed and fell asleep. I woke up about 20 min later and realized that I had cut my head when I fell and was bleeding on the pillow. I just remember feeling very weird and I called Jason and had him to talk to me until I got out to town where he was b/c I just didn’t feel right. Well I ate a sausage and biscuit and drank a bottle of OJ on the way to the doctor. When I got to the doctor they checked my sugar and it was 64. So there is no telling how low it was when I passed out that morning before I had ate or drank anything , hence the reason why I passed out. So now the doctors want me to keep food by my bed and if I wake up during the night eat some of it and eat something in the bed before I get up b/c they said for some reason being pregnant is causing my blood sugar to drop. Anyway so at my ultrasound the smaller of the two sacks had stopped growing so we are down to one baby. However to everyone’s surprise the second sack split so now we have identical twins! This is very exciting to me b/c identical twins are not a result of IVF or fertility drugs – they are just a God thing. But there was only 1 heartbeat. The one with the h/b measured 6weeks 1day and other one measured 5weeks 5days. So they are both a little bit behind due to splitting. We are hoping that the other one will catch up and get a little h/b in the next couple days. Since they are measuring behind we are just hoping that is the reason why there isn’t a h/b on the smaller one. It seems as though every time we leave the doctor’s office from an ultrasound visit we always leave dishearted.
Sunday, January 3, 2010 - FREEZING COLD in Indiana!
Well as we leave Indiana the temperature on the truck says 0 degrees! I have to admit I have been the coldest I have ever been in the last couple days. But we got to see lots of snow, frozen lakes that we could walk on, people ice fishing, and the church where Casey and Emily will get married in July. However that was a VERY long ride home b/c I started getting really sick, nauseated, and had a migraine.
Thursday, December 31, 2009 - New Year's in Indiana!!!
New Years Eve! We left early this morning with Casey to go to Indiana to visit Emily (his fiancée) and her family. I have to admit that is the coldest I have ever been but we got to see lots of snow! We had a great time with Emily and her family and enjoyed lots of good food! Me and Jason made it back to the hotel in time to watch the countdown to midnight. However at about 11:45 I started feeling like I hadn’t ate in days and was starving. Jason was so sweet – he went down to the snack machine and got what we thought was bbq baked lays. However it was ranch and it was nasty so I couldn’t eat it. SO then he goes back down to the machine to get a pack of gardettos that we saw earlier. This time it took his money and didn’t give him and gardettos. So now it’s about 11:50 and he insists on going to the gas station down the road to get me something to eat. Keep in mind it is FREEZING there – the wind chill was in the negatives. I didn’t want him to leave b/c I wanted him to be there for the ball drop, but he thought he could make it back in time. So away he ran. The first store was closed so he had to go farther to get some snacks. Anyway he made it back at 12:02 to finish watching the celebration with me and we had lots of snacks too! Isn’t he the BEST!!!
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009 - 1st Ultrasound!!!!
Our 1st Ultrasound! My beta # has jumped up to 11,082!!! We saw 2 sacks (twins!) – so both embryos we transferred implanted! I am 6 weeks today – we were not able to see the heartbeats, but we will come back next week and will hopefully see them then.
To our children - We want you to know that we have never been so anxious for anything in our lives as we are to meet you. We pray for you everyday. I like to pray for you in your bedroom because it makes me feel close to you. We can't wait to meet you and want you to know that we love you more than anything. We are both excited to teach and share so many things with you. I think you will see that we are both two big kids ourselves. Most of all we pray that you enjoy our God. We pray that you will believe Him, trust Him, and seek Him. We pray that you grow in Godliness everyday and become a man/woman after God's own heart. There are so many things we long to teach you: how important family is, how to fish, ski, wakeboard, surf, hunt, back a boat in the water, play all sports, how to camp and build a campfire, where I grew up, how to cook your Dad's favorite meals, how to go creek riding, how to make fish traps and hunt for worms, etc. We have many fun years ahead! I also pray that you stay away from the evil of the world. I am scared to think of the evil things that you will face in your lifetime because this old world is getting worse as the years go by. But stay close to God and he will provide you with the tools you need to fight the enemy, and he will protect and keep you. Remeber there are two words that will change your life forever: "Yes Lord." We love you and can't wait to see your precious faces.
To our children - We want you to know that we have never been so anxious for anything in our lives as we are to meet you. We pray for you everyday. I like to pray for you in your bedroom because it makes me feel close to you. We can't wait to meet you and want you to know that we love you more than anything. We are both excited to teach and share so many things with you. I think you will see that we are both two big kids ourselves. Most of all we pray that you enjoy our God. We pray that you will believe Him, trust Him, and seek Him. We pray that you grow in Godliness everyday and become a man/woman after God's own heart. There are so many things we long to teach you: how important family is, how to fish, ski, wakeboard, surf, hunt, back a boat in the water, play all sports, how to camp and build a campfire, where I grew up, how to cook your Dad's favorite meals, how to go creek riding, how to make fish traps and hunt for worms, etc. We have many fun years ahead! I also pray that you stay away from the evil of the world. I am scared to think of the evil things that you will face in your lifetime because this old world is getting worse as the years go by. But stay close to God and he will provide you with the tools you need to fight the enemy, and he will protect and keep you. Remeber there are two words that will change your life forever: "Yes Lord." We love you and can't wait to see your precious faces.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - Happy Birthday Jason!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON – BIG 33!!!!!! We spent some time in Nashville and went to ICE! We are such big kids when it comes to things like this. But we had a great time! I think Barbara about froze ha ha
Sunday, December 27, 2009
We had a Christmas breakfast at our house - man was it good and the company was even better!
Friday, December 25, 2009 - Merry Christmas!!
Happy Birthday Jesus! Celebrate CHRIST!!!! This is absolutely without a doubt the most special and best Christmas ever for us! We woke up and checked our stockings first. Jason had overfilled mine with all kinds of thoughtful sweet things and candy! Then we opened presents and he did huge with mine! He had got up in the middle of the night in the freezing cold, pouring down rain, and high winds (which made it very difficult) to unload my new deck furniture from his parents van and carry it upstairs to our deck so it would be there for me to see first thing Christmas morning! Isn’t that just the sweetest thing! And they were very heavy pieces. But I LOVE them! He also got me too many other goodies to name. His big item that I got him was a Glock 9 mm pistol. He was totally surprised and didn’t have a clue he was getting it! Next is Christmas at Nanny and Granddaddy’s with his family. We are SUPER excited about how we plan to tell them b/c none of his family have even known that we have even been trying to get pregnant much less what it took to get to this point. After eating and opening gifts we told everyone that we had a game we wanted to play. We had been playing it up for a couple of weeks so it wouldn’t look suspectful. We had ordered scratch off cards online that were so cute-I posted a pic of one. The cards said “A special gift from Jason & Sandy Christmas 2009” and then each person scratched off the gold part. We ordered two of the cards to say “It’s a Winner!” and the rest to say “Try again next year”, and we intentionally gave his two parents the winner cards. We had two identical gifts wrapped for the winners-a box with a diaper in it filled with chocolate pudding and a note saying “You better get used to changing these!” I wish you could have seen Jason – he couldn’t even put the pudding in the diapers without getting grossed out! Ha ha ha! He says that when the time comes he will have to wear a gas mask ha ha! But anyway everyone scratched off their cards hoping to win the wrapped gifts, and of course his parents win and are so excited. So we hand then their gifts and tell them they have to open them at the same time and that they are fragile. So they open them and just kind of sit there looking at it and we’re thinking well do something… Then his dad looks at me with this look like are you serious and nodding wanting to me acknowledge and then his mom started screaming! Everyone was TOTALLY surprised and excited. I think within the next 30 min his parents had called everyone they knew. So it was well worth it to keep if from them all of this time. Madeline said that she thinks it will be 2 boys since the boys are out-numbered. ha haNext we went to my Mom and Dad's house (we are so blessed to have them in Alabama with us now). All of my family from MS was there, but they already knew the news so we just enjoyed a great meal, fun times playing dirty santa, and great company! Family - a great place to be!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Our second beta test… Of course I have to go give blood first thing in the morning and then wait all day for the phone call that afternoon with the surprise number. Drum Roll….Our 2nd beta is…2004!!!! YAY! PRAISE GOD!!! That is a huge increase – which could mean multiples! This is the BEST Christmas gift ever! We are overfilled with joy! I have been VERY nauseated actually since the day before my first beta test. And it’s not “morning” sickness, its morning, noon, and night sickness! They expected me to be a sick one b/c when we were doing the IUI’s and I had to take the hcg shots (pregnancy hormone shot) they always made me sick. But I'm so happy to be sick!!!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - Patience Daniel Son!
The waiting to find out if it was a success is torture. But thankfully with Christmas around the corner that is keeping me busy and my mind occupied. I did have severe cramping on the second and third day after the ET, so hopefully that was the babies implanting! With all of these hormones in my system for so long I cant remember the last time I slept a decent amount of hours at night. I usually sleep about 4-5 hours total spread out over the night, which may be great for some people, but I like more ha ha.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - BEST DAY OF OUR LIFE!!
This is the day we have been longing for! Today they will call with the results from my blood test (anything >20 hcg level is a positive pregnancy test). I have been on pins and needles all day! I kept my phone at my side all day. Then finally the call came later that afternoon after having given blood for it that morning! The nurse made me nervous b/c she was dragging out telling me. And then she finally said “I am just calling to give you the results of your beta test and your level was 122, congratulations you’re pregnant.” PRAISE GOD IT’S POSITIVE!!!!!! I was SO excited! I had a very special way of telling Jason planned if it was positive so I couldn’t wait to tell him! I had already had 2 migraines that day and wasn’t feeling great, and he was down in the shop. I have also had 5 migraines in the last 4 days. I called him and asked him if he could come help me b/c I wasn’t feeling good and I had taken red paint and painted on my belly “BABY (IES)” with an arrow pointing to my belly. When he came in the bedroom I asked him to look at my stomach b/c I thought I was breaking out. (This would not have been unusual b/c I had been experiencing some really weird symptoms all throughout this process due to all of the meds.) When I pulled my shirt up and he saw it his face lit up and he kept saying “What’d they say, so it worked?!?” Then he said “I’m gonna be a daddy!” “Let’s go take a picture!” I also have had a little onesie that has a stroller on it and says “That’s how I roll” for over a year now I have been waiting to be able to give him. He loved it! I can’t explain how excited we were and the joy that we felt! After all of those calls from the doctor saying “I’m sorry, it didn’t work”, we finally heard the news we had been waiting on! We immediately called my family (his family still have no clue of anything we have been doing), and our close friends. Of course we know it is early on, and we have to wait until our next blood test in 6 days to see if my beta # is increasing as much as it should to indicate that the pregnancy is progressing as it should.
Sunday, December 12, 2009
After church Jason and Dad put the lights on the tree and that night he and I decorated it. I can just feel it this is going to be the most special Christmas ever. We keep talking about how this will be our last Christmas together without children and how special that will be in the future.
Friday, December 11, 2009 - Christmas Tree Farm
I am SO SICK of laying on the couch and watching TV!!!! I have watched all of the “fa la la la lifetime” movies. So Jason took me to a Christmas tree farm in Athens to cut down our Christmas tree. We love a BIG live tree!
I have had 2 very strong cramping episodes on the 2nd and 3rd day after the transfer, which is suppose to be a good sign. I just have a peace and comfort about it all.
I have had 2 very strong cramping episodes on the 2nd and 3rd day after the transfer, which is suppose to be a good sign. I just have a peace and comfort about it all.
Monday, December 7, 2009 - Embryos Transfer Day!!!
EMBRYO TRANSFER DAY!!!!! (ET DAY) Only 3 embryos survived until this day from our original 6. Once again we travel to B'ham bright and early in the morning, but oh what an exciting day! I don’t have to be put to sleep for this procedure and Jason got to suit up to go back in the operating room with me. Jason got to watch Dr. Honea put our two babies in on the screen and I could tell he was smiling under his mask and tearing up - so special and sweet. Above are the two babies (embryos) we transferred. Obviously one is better quality and more developed than the other. After the procedure Dr. Honea prayed with us. We have to wait and see if the third one survives until tomorrow to be frozen. The bigger one is graded as an A-. She said that was an excellent quality and that they don’t see many that great. The smaller one was graded as fair quality with less than 5% fragmentation. She said there was a 50% chance that the good one would take and a 20% chance that the fair one would take. The procedure was not painful but now I have to be on bed rest (couch rest) for a few days to allow the babies to “stick”.
This picture was taken as we were leaving the hospital in Birmingham after the transfer. We were so excited and very anxious! We will not find out until 9 days if it was a success. But I am now technically "PUPO" - pregnant until proven otherwise. Ha ha Now it's in God's hands which gives me great peace because that is right where I want it. We have so many prayer warriors praying for us and that is a huge blessing to us and something we are very grateful for! We can't thank you all enough!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Nurse called – no change in the embie report. I have figured out that if I ice the PIO shot area beforehand that it doesn’t hurt AS BAD.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The nurse called with our embie (embryo) report. She said that on a scale of 1-5 (1=best) that one was a 1, four were 2’s, and one was a 3. YAY! Now I have to start the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots. These are NOT fun! Not only is the shot huge but it is in oil so it is super thick. The shots are so big and long that Jason called the emergency nurse line the night of the first shot and told them that if he sticks that all the way in that it will go to my “butt bone”! But she said not to worry it wouldn’t go that far. These are to be taken each night at the same time and have to be taken for many weeks.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009 - Egg Retrieval Day! (ER)
I was very nervous because I was hoping for lots of great eggs. We had to be in b’ham very early that morning. I am extremely sensitive to meds so it doesn’t surprise me that the drugs they gave me that was just to relax me for the procedure put me to sleep. So I don’t remember the surgery and as always I was very hard to wake up afterwards. I just remember wanting to know how many eggs they got. Jason told me that they got 9 which we thought was great. I don’t remember much until we got to Athens other than every little bump in the road hurt. I started to hurt really bad when we got to Athens, which just meant that my pain medicine they had given me had worn off.
Thursday, December 3. 2009 - Grow Embies Grow!
The doctor’s office called and said that of the 9 retrieved, only 6 were mature, which isn’t as many as they would like to see. In fact it wasn’t enough for us to continue in the shared risk program that the doctor’s office offered. But all 6 fertilized, which is good. Now we just have to wait and pray they grow over the next 4 days! Grow embies grow!!!
I am VERY sore and it is painful to walk, but Jason is so great at taking care of me! He is the BEST Husband ever-his care and concern is overwhelming.
I am VERY sore and it is painful to walk, but Jason is so great at taking care of me! He is the BEST Husband ever-his care and concern is overwhelming.
Monday, November 30, 2009 - No Mo Stims!
YAY NO MORE STIM SHOTS! Based on the results from the ultrasounds over the last several days, today we only take the hcg shot, which means that exactly 36 hours after the shot is the egg retrieval. We are told to take the shot at 11 pm and tomorrow will be a shot free day!
I have to admit until I got knee deep in all of this infertility stuff I was very ignorant of the process and what all it involved. So just in case some of you are less familiar with it, I thought maybe I should give a quick explanation of the process. Basically the female takes birth control pills in the beginning to shut her body down so that the doctors can control what your body does with the stimulation shots. Then she takes stim shots for a certain pre-determined time frame (I took them for 8 days). The stim shots make your body produce eggs so that you will have a better chance of getting several eggs from the retrieval. They also have several not so fun side effects. Once the eggs (follicles) grow to the desired size as monitored daily on ultrasounds, then she takes an hcg shot to make her body release the eggs exactly 36 hours later. The egg retrieval takes place by surgical means. The eggs that are determined to be mature are then fertilized in the lab. They are now embryos, and they are allowed to grow for 5 days before being transferred back into the female. Then several days later they do a blood pregnancy test to determine if any of the embryos that were transferred implanted into the uterus, which would result in being pregnant.
I have to admit until I got knee deep in all of this infertility stuff I was very ignorant of the process and what all it involved. So just in case some of you are less familiar with it, I thought maybe I should give a quick explanation of the process. Basically the female takes birth control pills in the beginning to shut her body down so that the doctors can control what your body does with the stimulation shots. Then she takes stim shots for a certain pre-determined time frame (I took them for 8 days). The stim shots make your body produce eggs so that you will have a better chance of getting several eggs from the retrieval. They also have several not so fun side effects. Once the eggs (follicles) grow to the desired size as monitored daily on ultrasounds, then she takes an hcg shot to make her body release the eggs exactly 36 hours later. The egg retrieval takes place by surgical means. The eggs that are determined to be mature are then fertilized in the lab. They are now embryos, and they are allowed to grow for 5 days before being transferred back into the female. Then several days later they do a blood pregnancy test to determine if any of the embryos that were transferred implanted into the uterus, which would result in being pregnant.
Friday, November 27, 2009 - Oh No Mo Shots
Well we are still doing the stim shots and starting today we get to add another shot to the list. I am so grateful that Jason is SO GOOD at giving me the shots!
November 26, 2009 - Thanksgiving!
We have so much to be thankful for! Praise God we are very blessed indeed! We are still continuing the stim shots, and we go to the doctor about every other day for them to monitor my estrodial and progesterone and to monitor the growth of the eggs via ultrasound. The hardest part about this process so far has been keeping it a secret from Jason’s family. He wanted it to be a total surprise to them when it happens because we haven’t even told them we have been trying all this time. Its hard to believe that they haven’t noticed the many times we have left early in the mornings to go to b’ham to the doctor, all the times I’ve been sick due to the meds, or was on bedrest at certain times since we live beside each other. It was funny b/c they kept insisting that went to FL with them back during the summer and we had to give them some excuse like Jason couldn’t take off work b/c that was during the time we were doing one of the IUI’s. And that requires having to go to the doctor on short notice, so we had to pass up on the trip. But they just kept on and kept on trying to convince us to go.
November 22, 2009 - The Shots Have Arrived - YIKES!
Let me first say that when we received the big box of meds in the mail I was nervous. I thought there is no way that all of these shots are for me. The nurses had given Jason (I am so grateful he is able to give me the shots.) instructions on how to mix all of the meds and how and where to give the shots. I think we read the instructions 3 times and called the nurse line twice to make sure we were mixing all of the meds correctly that first night. This was the first day of my stimulation shots, which go in the belly. Stim shots are taken to make your ovaries produce many eggs for the retrieval.
October 28, 2009 - Beach Bound!!!
We took a long weekend trip to Santa Rosa Island the first weekend of October and it was so refreashing to get away before we start the whole IVF process. It was a very unplanned trip, which I love. We decided on Thursday to pack up that night and leave the next day. The weather was perfect and we had an amazing time. We got to snorkel a lot and rented scooters and rode from one end of the island to the other and the scenery was just gorgeous! Riding our scooters was just like that picture with gorgeous beach and water on both sides of the road for as long as you could see.
As odd as it sounds the IVF process involves taking birth control pills (bcp) for so many days prior to starting the fertility drugs. This is to suppress your body and make it so the doctors can take over and control it. I started my bcp today and had to take them for 21 days.
September 2009
So we embark into the IVF (in-vitro fertilization) world. We were told that even with IVF that we would only have a 50% chance of success. But to me that sounded a WHOLE lot better than the 10% chance with IUI. Anyone that knows me knows I hate needles and shots! Well by this point I am immune to having my blood drawn, but I still am nervous about the shots. But I am willing to do anything to be able to hold our own baby. And yes that even means eating royal jelly (NASTY) twice a day-anything that google said would help increase fertility we did it. Hopefully I will respond to the shots well and that will take care of my side of the infertility issue and by doing IVF that takes care of the male factor in infertility.We were very blessed to get to get to play on the river every minute possible this past summer as you can see in the pictures. I wish we would have kept up with how many hours we spent on the boat b/c we live for summer!!! Check out my surfing video below. This is one of our favorite things to do behind the boat.
August 2009 - Cruise to the Eastern Caribbean!
Before embarking on the IVF journey we took a 7 day cruise to the Virgin Islands. It was amazing and we had the best time! Now Jason says he is a cruiser for life! Here are some of our pics from the cruise. The Flowrider was a blast but man did I pay for it for a couple of days afterwards, and it was a whole lot harder than it looked! I honestly felt like I had been beat with a bat! ha ha And I can honestly say that St. John's is the HOTTEST place I have ever been! We were so close to the equator that the sun was just so hot on you. But that's what they make the ocean for - to get in and cool off! We are already planning our next cruise!
We were referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) (Infertility Specialist) in Birmingham-Dr. Honea, whom we love very much. After months and months of MANY tests of all imaginable kinds it was determined that there were several hurdles for us to get over to be able to get pregnant-of which would require medical help. We first tried doing an IUI (artificial insemination) while taking fertility drugs. After 2 unsuccessful IUI’s, we met with Dr. Honea again to discuss options. She told us that we only had a 10% chance of the IUI’s ever working. I know that some insurance companies do cover several IUI attempts but because our insurance treats infertility the same as it does “cosmetic” surgery our insurance doesn’t pay one penny towards infertility. We decided that it was time to move to a more aggressive approach and a treatment with a greater chance of success. So we will embark on the in-vitro fertilization (IVF) route, and we are very excited and hopeful because we will have a 50% chance of success with it.
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